Tag Archives: Expectations

Expect Nothing!

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Online dating is hard. Really, really, ridiculously hard. You have to sift through a lot of shit before you end up finding matches you’re willing to have a conversation with online, let alone meet up with in The Real World. However I think online dating should be taken with little expectation one way or the other.

So you have a date lined up, you have compatibilities, you’re getting dressed, doing the make up, choosing the heels…What are you thinking? “This guy could be the one!”, “He’s so sweet!”, “I hope this is the one that takes me out of this world of fuckbois, players, creeps and losers!”.

No. Don’t do it to yourself, just don’t! Expect nothing!

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OK not nothing. Expect to meet a random stranger and get to know them. Don’t expect that this date will be the last first date, that you won’t come home at 8.30 and log straight back onto the dating site and look for more matches. Expect online dating to be your future for at least a year, and (I know this bit is hard) try to enjoy it!

When you change your expectations from meeting a potential boyfriend or future husband, whatever you’re aiming for in this crazy world, to just meeting someone new for a chat…expectation causes a lot of problems.

When you don’t already have this person tagged with a potential boyfriend label, it’s much easier to see the guy for what he is; player, manipulator, ‘Nice Guy’, fuckboi, or someone with potential. You can leave the nerves behind and be a little more blase, reserved and careful with your own heart.

Online dating can be soul destroying if you let it, so protect yourself and don’t have too many expectations. Doing this is difficult, it might take being chewed up and spat out as it did for me to take a step back and tame my expectations. But maybe being played was a blessing in disguise…

Good Dates are More Terrifying Than Bad Dates

This time round I’ve only been dating a few months. I’ve had my share of bad dates and some that were ultimately forgettable.

Chances are, unless you’re dating someone completely oblivious, your date will know that you are not a good match, that you won’t be contacting them again and often, you can get away without outright rejecting each other with that awkward conversation at the end of the night, or the next day.

Needless to say, I have had a couple of dates who did seem completely oblivious, and the conversation had to be done, which is a blog post in itself…

This past weekend though, I had the much sought after good date. There wasn’t a moment of silence past the initial slightly awkward walk to the bar, not quite knowing what to say to each other and trying to stick to small talk, which I admit, I utterly suck at. We had a similar sense of humour and laughed all night, he was a gentleman and offered to buy all the rounds. I did manage to convince him that I should buy at least one though. I got good vibes from the guy and felt ridiculously comfortable in the presence of this stranger which for me, is a big deal.

Physical intimacy can be quite difficult for me with people; not sex, but hugs, caresses, invasions of personal space; I‘m generally pretty reserved. By the end of the night I was draped over his shoulder. Had we not taken it back to my place, onlookers would’ve been thinking ‘Jesus, get a room!’. He was equally affectionate, and very complimentary despite my messy, alcohol addled state.

The days after were terrifying. They still are even though we’ve arranged to hang out again already. When I like someone, I jump in with both feet, and if they don’t like me, or if they do like me but don’t want the same things I want, there’s no bones about it, I get hurt. A lot. This post resonated a lot with me today.

I do know my worth, and I won’t be settling if this guy doesn’t want what I would like with him. I already have a way of sorting out my physical needs, I want someone to help me with my emotional needs; a good guy to hang out and have fun with, laugh with each other, share experiences with, travel with and be a shoulder to cry on during the utterly shitty days where you just might not survive without a hug.

It can be complicated though, working out what the guy wants. A straight up conversation about it is a bit scary, possibly bunny boiler-esque, especially this early on. But I need to know what he’s hoping to get out of this, so I don’t get any more invested than I already am…

I’ve learned, through my dating experience, actions speak louder than words. It’s easy to get caught up in flattery and easy intimacy, then be dumbfounded when the words were just lip service. But I’m going to try my best at chilling out and going with the flow, as anti-me as that is.

Edit: There’s an update right here!