Monthly Archives: March 2015

23 is NOT the Magic Number

When I first started the whole internet dating malarkey this time around, I thought ‘I might be a little closer to 30 than 20 these days, but fuck it, I can still hang with young ‘uns‘.

Staunchly ignoring the fact that I call 20-25 year olds ‘young ‘uns’ in my mental dialogue, I truly believed that to be the case.


So very, alarmingly wrong.

My first date was with a whippsersnapper of 23. He was gainfully employed, had a degree, we had a good banter over t’internet so I had no reservations meeting up with him for a date.

To be fair, it wasn’t exactly a horror story. At first anyway…the real horror here is suddenly realising, fuck. I’ve gotten old. How the fuck did that happen? When the fuck did that happen?! I was truly and utterly convinced my mental age was 23 and here, on this date, the catatonic coma inducing realisation that actually, no, I do not have the mental age of a 23 year old.

Thankfully, apparently I still look like a 23 year old….sometimes. I thank the people who ID me for fags these days. (It’s dawned on me that is NOT how a 23 year old behaves when being IDed. Next time I might pretend I’ve left my driving license at home and skulk off with an exasperated Kevin-like flair. I hope there’s a next time anyway…)

The kid was nice enough I suppose, but he was a puppy. Overly enthusiastic, pawing for reassurance and basically just trying to impress too much.

I’m not the most confident of people, but as I’ve apparently matured (sob!), I’ve grown into myself. I pretty much know who I am, know what I like and know that I definitely can’t be arsed wasting time with people who I don’t like or who don’t like me so I’m pretty much myself, or at least a Good, Clean Version thereof. I don’t consciously set out to impress, and honestly, I think that’s an attractive quality. It’s a quality I like to see in the men I date at any rate.

I wasn’t entirely put off though. Apparently I’m quite a hit with the young lads, especially 23 year olds (about 4 different 23 year olds contacted me! Get me and my fiiiiine self!) so I thought it would be best to just make sure the younger option was not entirely full of puppies.

The second one appeared more mature on the surface but there were some glaring indicators of inexperience. We met for ‘coffee’, not particularly wanting to be stuck on a night out with another immature youngster. When I bought my own drink, and the chocolate brownie we shared (no offer to even split the cost of the brownie), conversation was incredibly stunted. I had to work my arse off to try and find something he would talk about. He asked no questions leaving the conversation ball entirely in my court. Sigh. I left after an hour, but the level of conversation we did have was ‘mature’ and somewhat intellectual…by my gauge anyway, probably not by the majority of others’, ha!

After our date I was considering going on another date with the guy, until…well, until he started clumsily and overtly flirting with me, before I even confirmed I wanted to see him again. Honestly, it felt a bit uncomfortable – I don’t remember exactly what was said, but it started off with nice compliments which I appreciated but essentially brushed off, and they became more and more sexual without indication that I would be interested in anything of the sort.

I gave up on that guy and added Rule 6 to My Internet Dating Survival Guide: Don’t date boys under 25 years old. They don’t have a clue how to handle me.


Date ALL the Boys!

Some people do it one at a time, others need a little more variety. I need a little more variety.

There’s a vast array of potentially suitable men out there for us ladies, so why not go a little crazy and date them all at once?

A few people might disagree with the idea of dating as I see it. I like the idea of American style dating where you might line up dates for the Thursday, the Friday and the Saturday taking the Sunday as a day of serious R&R – pyjamas, trashy films and chocolate binges, obviously.

Other women might be a little more conservative, getting to know one guy at a time, arranging a date, having the date and all of the gumph that follows…debating whether he liked her or not, waiting the ‘traditional’ two days before following up in an effort to not seem too needy (if you feel the woman should even contact the man at all), arranging another date and waiting for that…if he even wants to. If she even wants to…all of this is assuming the woman actually liked the guy. It could be she met him, there was no connection and she couldn’t care less if he called her again or not.

For me, all this is far too time consuming. I don’t want to spend weeks arranging first, second and third dates with a guy who turns out to be someone I can’t see myself being with for the long haul, and having all that time wasted. If you put all your eggs in one dating basket, you might put more pressure on yourself to like the guy and force a match with a guy that isn’t right for you. I’m no ugly stepsister, the glass slipper has to fit!

At one time I dated 3 guys. It wasn’t as complicated as you might expect and it gave me the added bonus of not feeling too bad about rejection, whether I liked the guy or not. I managed to meet more men, mostly unsuitable, so I shrugged and moved on to the next date a few days later. I wasn’t hanging around by the telephone waiting for the kindof alright guy I had a date with a week ago to call, I was too busy checking out the next guy who could possibly be a superior dating candidate than the previous, only kindof alright guy. This helped me to keep the pressure off myself and off the guy. It also helped to build that apparently charming aloofness that men seem to find captivating.

It’s fun and I don’t really have any qualms about it, especially with online dating. You can chat online and get on like a house on fire, but in the real world it could be about as enthralling as waiting for your freshly painted nails to dry and be just as frustrating after a week or two of getting to know the guy online.

I do have to think though, is there a double standard when it comes to dating multiple people between men and women? I’d like to think if a guy told me he was dating other women as well as me I wouldn’t think too much of it. But when it comes to finding relationships, particularly when meeting people online, I think perhaps men have to be a little more careful; the majority of men may well end up coming off like players, out for everything they could get. After all, spring for a couple of drinks and behave like a gentleman on the first date…sometimes that’s all it takes.

As much as I like to think otherwise, I think I would be a little more careful dating men who are dating other women as well. I would be a little more careful about showing my own hand, be more reserved about making an attachment and much more conservative when it comes to taking the next step. Especially if he hadn’t agreed to exclusivity beforehand.

It’s an interesting quandry. I’d like to hear a few more perspectives on the potential double standards for men and women in American style dating, feel free to add your opinions in the comments!